(2 Sam 6:1-; Eph 1:3-14) J G White

10:30 am, Sunday, July 14, 2024, FBC Amherst

A pastor friend asked me once if I knew where in the Bible is the first time Baptists are mentioned. I knew it had to be a joke; I did not know the answer. “No, where is the first place in the Bible that Baptists are mentioned?”

“Genesis 13: when Abraham says to his nephew, Lot, ‘You go your way and I’ll go mine.” :)

All stereotypical joking aside, there are a lot of people not getting along in this life, and going their separate ways. “This town isn’t big enough for the two of us.” The story of separating, of isolating from others, of Us Against Them by getting away from Them, is a story we keep repeating. To use traditional language, we can say this is a result of our sin, our fallen nature. When there are lots of us, and we are different, we don’t all get along.

This week we went back to the stories of David, King David in Israel, three thousand years ago. We entered the scenes wherein he is establishing Jerusalem as his new capital city, and having the Ark of the Covenant brought into town. David famously dances as the parade enters.

One of his wives, Michal, is very displeased. There might be a few reasons for this. One could be that David, the king, is fraternizing with the lowest in society. With sarcasm, Michal said, “How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants’ maids, as any vulgar fellow might shamelessly uncover himself!”

It is, in part, the old ‘us vs them’ mentality. Keep away from them, the riff raff!

Indeed, we know how we talk to one another and about one another is a key part of our divisions, and at the heart of how we are healed. We know the old proverb is a lie: ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.’

About a decade ago now, Sharon and I got introduced to Nonviolent Communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg. Even the name of it makes a point: how we talk can be violent, or nonviolent. We tend to think of violence as actions that are physical. But how we talk can be just as violent. Jesus wants peace and reconciliation among us.

We were introduced to Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication through a series of workshops we had in the Windsor Church, led by a deacon from the Falmouth Church. The very basics of it are these points, these four steps:

1. Observe what is actually happening in a situation. The trick is to be able to say what we see without adding any judgement or evaluation - simply to say what people are doing that we either like or don’t like.

2. Secondly, we tell how we feel when we see what’s going on: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated?

3. Thirdly, we say what our needs are that are connected to our feelings.

4. The fourth component is a specific request. This is saying what we are wanting from the other person that would enrich our lives or make life better for us.

Let me give you an example of all this from Marshall Rosenberg’s experience of mediating and of teaching communication skills. Twenty years or more ago, he was presenting to about 170 Palestinian Muslim men in a mosque at a refugee camp in Bethelehm. Attitudes towards Americans at the time were not favourable. As Marshall was speaking, he suddenly noticed a wave of muffled commotion fluttering through the audience. “They’re whispering that you are an American!” his translator told him, just as one gentleman leapt up and hollered at Marshall, “Murderer!” Immediately others joined in: “Assassin!” “Child-killer!” “Murderer!”

Marshall felt fortunate he was able to focus his attention on what the man was feeling and needing. He’d had some clues, such as empty tear gas canisters near the camp, clearly marked ‘Made in the U.S.A.’

Marshall asked the man who had first spoken, “Are you angry because you would like my government to use its resources differently?” He didn’t know whether his guess was correct--what was critical was his sincere effort to connect with the man’s feeling and need.

“Damn right I’m angry! You think we need tear gas? We need sewers, not your tear gas! We need housing! We need to have our own country!”

“So you’re furious and would appreciate some support in improving your living conditions and gaining political independence?” Marshall said.

“Do you know what it’s like to live here for twenty- seven years the way I have with my family--children and all? Have you got the faintest idea what that’s like for us?” the man responded.

“Sounds like you’re feeling very desperate and you’re wondering whether I or anybody else can really understand what it’s like to be living under these conditions. Am I hearing you right?” asked Marshall.

“You want to understand? Tell me, do you have children? Do they go to school? Do they have playgrounds? My son is sick! He plays in open sewage! His classroom has no books! Have you seen a school that has no books?”

“I hear how painful it is for you to raise your children here,” Marshal responded, “you’d like me to know that what you want is what all parents want for their children-- a good education, opportunity to play and grow in a healthy environment…”

“That’s right,” the man said, “the basics! Human rights --isn’t that what you Americans call it? Why don’t more of you come here and see what kind of human rights you’re bringing here!”

“You’d like more Americans to be aware of the enormity of the suffering here and to look more deeply at the consequences of our political actions?” The dialogue continued, with the man expressing his pain for nearly twenty minutes, and Marshall listening for the feeling and the need behind each statement. He didn’t agree or disagree, he simply received his words, not as attacks, but as gifts from a fellow human willing to share his soul and deep vulnerabilities with him.

Once the gentleman felt understood, he was able to hear Marshall explain his purpose for being at the camp. An hour later, that same man who had called him a murderer was inviting him to his home for a Ramadan dinner. (M. B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication, 2003, pp. 13-14)

There is a lot to learn about the process of Nonviolent Communication, yet it is clear, and simple in a way. The hard part is the personal part - and it is all personal! It is about getting in touch with our own thoughts and feelings, and our real needs. It is about being honest about these things. It is about listening well to others, to discover their thoughts and feelings and needs. Then, be ready to hear what people are asking for, and to make your own requests.

God has blessed each of us with some skills in this during our lifetimes. It comes with living. It comes from the school of hard knocks, and from the school of love and compassion that Jesus teaches us.

We heard this morning from the New Testament letter called Ephesians, named after the recipients of long ago. The words of this first chapter wax eloquent – but long-winded – about the gifts of God to us people. We are destined for adoption by God; all things are being gathered together in Christ; we obtain and inheritance, grace given to us by Christ, spiritual freedom, forgiveness of wrongdoing, and we are shown the mystery of God's plan for us all. And promised the presence of God, the Holy Spirit.

Notice, this is all about togetherness, actually. These spiritual ideas are not just for you, and you, and you, and me - they are for us, together. They are gifts that bring us into a life of getting along, getting into loving one another, getting to include so many people. Our faith journey will seldom take us into isolation, hating others, hiding from those who are different. The Way of Jesus is a path of reconciling, getting to know and understand one another. With all the great promises of God to us, we can find it safe to be honest, and safe to get to know those different from us.

This is hard work, often. Miraculous work! Marvelous, loving work. We are in such a time, in our part of the world, for wanting to stay away from others. Those who we disagree with strongly. Those we think cause us trouble. Those who sap our energy and our time and all. Those who are not benefiting us. So we believe all the voices who tell us to isolate, 'drop those people in my life,' take care of number one - that's me/you!

But I believe in the miracle of caring for those who just might need me a bit. And those who are not going to be like me in my thinking and my living. And those who I don't understand much at all. We are all still part of this one human family. And this one created order (sometimes disorder!) Let us look to our Holy Source to build some new order out of the mess we sometimes feel we are living in today.

Know thyself. And know others. Let us rely upon the promised Holy Spirit when we communicate. So it will not be a matter of us away from them, it will be Us With Them.